Getting over the EX

It’s been a month since we had that horrific dinner.

You sat across from me in a room full of people I felt were all laughing at me. As you said those words I felt like my heart was being ripped apart piece by piece endlessly. The pain has not left me.

I loved you with every piece of me but I was an excuse for you. I was your get away. I’ve beat myself up for staying for so long even when I knew you were shit!

“This is not working”

Damn sure it isn’t. You’ve tossed my heart around and now you’ve moved on to fresh meat.

I’ve been miserable for one month. Worst thing is I took my annual leave to spend time with you and you ditched me right before it even began.

The hell do you mean by “It’s over”. What the hell is that?

My friends cannot place it.

“He treated you badly so why are you sad. It’s even a good thing he’s gone”

That must be easy to say when you’re not the one in this condition.

Wine, romantic movies, tireless hours of stalking, lack of sunlight, soiled sheets, endless rolls of toilet paper.



It’s obvious you’ve moved on.


I know many of us have found ourselves here one way or the other.

Someone broke us so much we could not imagine leaving the house.

Hearts pumped even harder when you got a phone call. It might just be him.

In no particular order, these were some things that helped me get out

  • The Best Revenge

MOVE ON. That’s the best revenge. After a breakup, we feel so many different things and anger pops in. You want to pay back. How can he hurt me after all I’ve done for him.

Well…. he did. He left and he’s gone. I know it’s not easy but move on. Get away from the past and start to focus on yourself.

I must confess. The hardest part for me was getting memories to leave my mind. I guess I didn’t need to. The memories have been made. Don’t dwell on what was but what is! Live in today and right now the relationship is over.

  • Stop Blaming

I could write a whole book on how he messed things up. If he didn’t do this I could have done that. These thoughts would run through my head constantly. I would drift off and just occupy my mind with blaming him.

Stop It! Just because he hurt you, does not mean the earth has stopped. You have to take responsibility for yourself.

Get up and move!

  • Own it!

Take back the power. Take back yourself.

One thing I kept telling myself was “You existed before him, you’ll exist after but you need to do more than just exist. You need to own your life”

We get so sucked up in all the emotions that we forget that we can feel without them. We can smile without them. You don’t need him to crack a joke before you get it.

Do just that! Own yourself again!

  • Move forward

This part isn’t the easiest but it’s the best. Move forward.

You really don’t need all that negative energy around you. It will only drag you deeper into depression.

I got back to work. I occupied myself with things and people I loved.

Focus on the other things you love. If you never got to find out then find out now. You might just be the next big thing.

It’s not the easiest thing to do but you need to let go of the past. Holding on will only depress you.

I constantly asked myself “why not me?”

It’s ok baby girl. HEAL! just HEAL!

Take your time tho. It won’t all happen in a day.




Is Bae really Bae?

There’s been this trend of lying boyfriends/girlfriends and side pieces lately and it is actually becoming sickening. Relationships these days always seem to have a “scum” story involved at the end and I’m honestly sick and tired of hearing stories of heart broken girls and guys.

YES! Some people are actually just helpless liars but I’ll leave some tips I think might help to curb this epidemic.


Take your time

There’s really no rush in this dating or courting life. No need to take things too far too soon. Both parties need to take their time and get to know each other. Some of us want bae to be bae 5 minutes after we meet. NO! It’s not just about the name. Time reveals a lot more than we think.


Be Friends

As much there are other things bringing both of you together, try to build friendship. Get to know this person on other levels. Talk about other things apart from how awesome both of you are together because that’s never going to come off as horrible even if it is. So try to relate on other levels. This could help you check what bae is doing with their time apart from loving you.


Be Watchful

I did not say snoop around o. I said be watchful. NO! they’re not the same thing. Take it easy. Stop assuming things before they are even said or done. How does your bae answer phone calls? How do they relate with others? How comfortable are they around you? When you guys are out check those eyes. Are they wandering in fear? Don’t be the crazy person please. Notice their actions. Words always sound good.


It’s about time we started knowing what and who we were to our supposed “significant other”. It’s great when we’re on the same page but it gets sour after a while if one person realizes they’ve been fooled the whole time.

I want to hear your stories and experiences with “undercover bae” so please share.





Technically Single

There’s always two sides to every story. Sometimes even more.

Hi! I’m Nora and I’m Technically Single (Hi! Nora)

I’ll be 25 by January. I’m a Lawyer and I love to sing. I met Bidemi the day I was being called to Bar. He came to support a friend of his. We’ve been dating each other for about 1 year and a half. At first we were just “trying” to be friends. I say trying because  we knew what was coming. We decided to go for it after about 2 months and the days started counting from then. At first, Bidemi was so caring. He still is but a lot of things have changed. It’s more like he’s doing it because I’m good to him and not because he still wants to do it. I’m not getting any younger and I expect that at this point, our relationship should be moving to another level. He doesn’t want anything to do with commitment and tries as much as he can to make that clear to me.

We decided last month that we would take a break. I feel like it’s over and it hurts but he still wants to act like a boyfriend and still be unavailable. I’m not sure what we’re doing anymore and I don’t know if we are still together or we just act like it.


Hi! I’m Kiki and I’m Technically Single (Hi Kiki!)

I’m 28, an entrepreneur and I love to network. I honestly sympathise with Nora and I hope she gets out of this difficult phase but I have a different approach and our stories aren’t quite alike.

I am Single. I like to think that I am. I’ve tried the whole public display type of relationship  and I just can’t see the point. I came to this meeting because I was told I have a problem but I can’t understand how. I like my relationships private. We could be in love when we’re alone but you’re just like everyone else in public. No special treatments. I haven’t had issues with that and I don’t think I do right now. When I am asked about my relationship status, I always say I am Single. In my defence, I am. At least until I get married, I am.

I don’t think Men are scum. It is not hurt that drove me to this point. It is truth. We are together and I’d like to keep that private until we unlock another level of our relationship. In my last relationship, he would always complain when we went out and other guys approached me and even got into conversations with me. I don’t flirt. I respect that you are right in front of me. I just don’t see how my conversation with someone else affects your fun at a party. That’s why it is a party. I love my space. Some people say I love it too much. I like spending time with other people too.

I try not to call my Lovers, my boyfriends because I don’t want publicity. You will not show up on my social media page. The admiration of others will not validate our love. I love when I love and I like to keep it private. I just don’t see what’s wrong with that.


Everybody stared at Kiki like she had unlocked a new stage in COD. She was just being plain old Kiki. Nora could not believe that a human being like Kiki even existed. Here she was complaining that she didn’t feel loved and Kiki was comfortable in her Single Life even as it involved a secret lover.

You’re Just not That Important

From my view you were stunning

More so when you walked out

Your black kinky hair couldn’t be more beautiful

My African Goddess stepped up to me

Her shape in her tight dress was even better than I imagined


It was love at first J

Breathing in and out the same air as you

Mary Jane never felt so good

The way your fingers moved to my neck

The sweet sensation from your massage


Small eyes. Gone from all the drugs

We knew we were nothing without our vices

The alcohol, the smokes

We could never resist

“Drunk In Love”. That’s what we were


We’ve been at this for a while.

Boredom is slowly creeping in

Some days I feel like your love is choking me

Some days I want you away… far far away

Some other days… maybe everyday I don’t want you at all


I saw all your calls

I wanted to answer to hear your voice

I knew I wouldn’t speak and you wouldn’t either

We are strangers now

I guess we’ve always been


It’s been months since we last talked

I want to miss you but I don’t

I feel the need to see you but I won’t

We’re better off this way

You’re better off without me



The first day I met you was…
The first time we kissed we…
You made my legs shiver when you… 
With you it felt complete but…
I loved you with all my heart but…
I wanted to be with you but… 
You made me happy when…

It felt like something was always missing somehow. It wasn’t me… It was you… No! I said that wrong. Or did I? 

I was never certain. It was like I was happy but… Like you were giving me all but… I know this sounds selfish but it’s horrible to be in an unhappy relationship. It’s worse to be in a happy one but…

Walking away was not easy because I was sure I wanted to stay but… It tortured me more because I tried to find reasons but… I looked at you sometimes and wished I knew something. Anything at all would do but… I had one of those “I don’t want to leave but I gotta go” moments a lot and it was not pretty.

There’s this bitter-sweet feeling you have when you know you have to walk away from something or someone you want to be with because you know it’s not healthy for you. I know it’s hard. It takes time too but think about it this way – Crying for a few days beats crying through the relationship. 

Nobody deserves that hurt. Nobody deserves to not know what the problem is. Nobody deserves that much uncertainty.