I Should Speak Too

Leave me to rant
I deserve some audience
I deserve to be heard
I should have a voice

I thought we could argue
I thought you understood
I thought you could deduce
That a conversation can go south or not

You hit me for the first time
Apologized a minute after
Said it was a slip
A slip that was a little too hard

You raped me for the first time
In your words I needed it
I’m pretty sure that was all you
You said it was for the best

4 years and no more
No more because it ended
No more because I absconded
No more because I’m dead.

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Broken Vessel

Broken,

Marred, 

shattered, 

unrecognizable 

Pieces strewn all over the floor 

Once whole, 

but now looking nothing like what was 

One could only imagine a picture of course 

‘Cos In a moment it seemed like the world had just hit a pause 

No, scratch that. 

*screech sound*


Whole,

clean, 

glistening 

Incomparable to nothing 

Never worked up

never really used 

Not even to be subject to abuse 

Acquired at great cost

‘Cos only the potter knew what it cost  

Like the vessel of honor 

Not relegated to the corner 

Set aside to be adored 

Consecrated for more than just aesthetics


Looking back this was me 

Because life could only make me mean 

Sucking up to false identity based on what I’d done and where I’d been

Seeking wholeness in things, in people and in all that didn’t matter 

Even while in pieces, I knew better

None of that ever really did matter

In brokenness…

My life, my perspectives changed forever 

Not a question of who I was before 

Nor who they had known me to be

I now know who and whose I am 

Looking ahead to who I am becoming

Seeing the free gift I have in Christ

I leverage on his grace holding fast 

To fulfill purpose and not be an outcast 

Back to my pieces 

Laying about like glorious ruins 

Gathered,

Put back together, 

Like clay in the hands of the potter 

Fitted, transformed into wholeness 

Well, you may see the scars 

But they are visible only for a reason;

Because my story would be incomplete without them

Broken a thousand times and over 

Each time and again to be refined 

Just to be made suitable for purpose 

Thank you Brokenness 

You happened so that I could find myself “

Yours,

-Aniekan – 

Writer’s blog: theaniekan.wordpress.com

Love So Amazing…

From time, we’ve had this seasonal attraction.

Most of it came from me.

I only cared when I needed Him.

He would always give me listening ears even when I knew I had abandoned Him.

He never gave up on me and honestly I don’t understand but I constantly did.

I used Him every time for only my pleasures and right after I would leave without a word.

For years I totally neglected Him and purposely chose to run the opposite direction even when I knew I had no hiding place.

I could never bring myself to speak of Him so proudly.

I was always so ashamed of being with Him.

But….

He never gave up on me.

He promises never to and once I realized I was running for no reason, I began to understand that I needed to be committed to this Love.

I also needed to put in work.

He never left and He never will

I needed to love Him too.

Just like all relationships, it gets rocky.

We always find a way.

He’s the best lover.

I would talk to Him most times and wonder why I shied away for so long.

He’s just PERFECT.

 

 

STAY HAPPY ♥♥

 

Getting over the EX

It’s been a month since we had that horrific dinner.

You sat across from me in a room full of people I felt were all laughing at me. As you said those words I felt like my heart was being ripped apart piece by piece endlessly. The pain has not left me.

I loved you with every piece of me but I was an excuse for you. I was your get away. I’ve beat myself up for staying for so long even when I knew you were shit!

“This is not working”

Damn sure it isn’t. You’ve tossed my heart around and now you’ve moved on to fresh meat.

I’ve been miserable for one month. Worst thing is I took my annual leave to spend time with you and you ditched me right before it even began.

The hell do you mean by “It’s over”. What the hell is that?

My friends cannot place it.

“He treated you badly so why are you sad. It’s even a good thing he’s gone”

That must be easy to say when you’re not the one in this condition.

Wine, romantic movies, tireless hours of stalking, lack of sunlight, soiled sheets, endless rolls of toilet paper.

I AM TIRED.

I’M GETTING OVER YOU.

It’s obvious you’ve moved on.


 

I know many of us have found ourselves here one way or the other.

Someone broke us so much we could not imagine leaving the house.

Hearts pumped even harder when you got a phone call. It might just be him.

In no particular order, these were some things that helped me get out

  • The Best Revenge

MOVE ON. That’s the best revenge. After a breakup, we feel so many different things and anger pops in. You want to pay back. How can he hurt me after all I’ve done for him.

Well…. he did. He left and he’s gone. I know it’s not easy but move on. Get away from the past and start to focus on yourself.

I must confess. The hardest part for me was getting memories to leave my mind. I guess I didn’t need to. The memories have been made. Don’t dwell on what was but what is! Live in today and right now the relationship is over.

  • Stop Blaming

I could write a whole book on how he messed things up. If he didn’t do this I could have done that. These thoughts would run through my head constantly. I would drift off and just occupy my mind with blaming him.

Stop It! Just because he hurt you, does not mean the earth has stopped. You have to take responsibility for yourself.

Get up and move!

  • Own it!

Take back the power. Take back yourself.

One thing I kept telling myself was “You existed before him, you’ll exist after but you need to do more than just exist. You need to own your life”

We get so sucked up in all the emotions that we forget that we can feel without them. We can smile without them. You don’t need him to crack a joke before you get it.

Do just that! Own yourself again!

  • Move forward

This part isn’t the easiest but it’s the best. Move forward.

You really don’t need all that negative energy around you. It will only drag you deeper into depression.

I got back to work. I occupied myself with things and people I loved.

Focus on the other things you love. If you never got to find out then find out now. You might just be the next big thing.

It’s not the easiest thing to do but you need to let go of the past. Holding on will only depress you.

I constantly asked myself “why not me?”

It’s ok baby girl. HEAL! just HEAL!

Take your time tho. It won’t all happen in a day.

 

STAY HAPPY♥♥

Is Bae really Bae?

There’s been this trend of lying boyfriends/girlfriends and side pieces lately and it is actually becoming sickening. Relationships these days always seem to have a “scum” story involved at the end and I’m honestly sick and tired of hearing stories of heart broken girls and guys.

YES! Some people are actually just helpless liars but I’ll leave some tips I think might help to curb this epidemic.

 

Take your time

There’s really no rush in this dating or courting life. No need to take things too far too soon. Both parties need to take their time and get to know each other. Some of us want bae to be bae 5 minutes after we meet. NO! It’s not just about the name. Time reveals a lot more than we think.

 

Be Friends

As much there are other things bringing both of you together, try to build friendship. Get to know this person on other levels. Talk about other things apart from how awesome both of you are together because that’s never going to come off as horrible even if it is. So try to relate on other levels. This could help you check what bae is doing with their time apart from loving you.

 

Be Watchful

I did not say snoop around o. I said be watchful. NO! they’re not the same thing. Take it easy. Stop assuming things before they are even said or done. How does your bae answer phone calls? How do they relate with others? How comfortable are they around you? When you guys are out check those eyes. Are they wandering in fear? Don’t be the crazy person please. Notice their actions. Words always sound good.

 

It’s about time we started knowing what and who we were to our supposed “significant other”. It’s great when we’re on the same page but it gets sour after a while if one person realizes they’ve been fooled the whole time.

I want to hear your stories and experiences with “undercover bae” so please share.

 

STAY HAPPY ♥♥

 

 

New Rules!!!

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Hello!

It’s been a while guys. I know. I’ve missed you too.

So I decided to let you guys in on what the new rules are for the blog. (drumroll please….)

I’ll be posting everyday of the week from Monday to Saturday. I’ll let you rest on Sundays. I plan on having themed days so feel free to let me know what you’d like to see. First post will be Next Week Monday.

I’m so excited to share more with you guys.

Stay Happy ♥♥

There’s Nothing Wrong with LOVE

What is wrong with the world today? We have managed to make ourselves believe that Love is dangerous

Nobody wants to express feelings and nobody wants to feel. Being emotional is like a crime now. You scroll down your twitter, facebook and everybody is trying to be a bad boy or bad B**tch (excuse my french)

**The society now frowns upon letting feelings out. It’s like we are not supposed to feel. A carefree heart is the new cool. Trend or Tragedy???