Getting over the EX

It’s been a month since we had that horrific dinner.

You sat across from me in a room full of people I felt were all laughing at me. As you said those words I felt like my heart was being ripped apart piece by piece endlessly. The pain has not left me.

I loved you with every piece of me but I was an excuse for you. I was your get away. I’ve beat myself up for staying for so long even when I knew you were shit!

“This is not working”

Damn sure it isn’t. You’ve tossed my heart around and now you’ve moved on to fresh meat.

I’ve been miserable for one month. Worst thing is I took my annual leave to spend time with you and you ditched me right before it even began.

The hell do you mean by “It’s over”. What the hell is that?

My friends cannot place it.

“He treated you badly so why are you sad. It’s even a good thing he’s gone”

That must be easy to say when you’re not the one in this condition.

Wine, romantic movies, tireless hours of stalking, lack of sunlight, soiled sheets, endless rolls of toilet paper.

I AM TIRED.

I’M GETTING OVER YOU.

It’s obvious you’ve moved on.


 

I know many of us have found ourselves here one way or the other.

Someone broke us so much we could not imagine leaving the house.

Hearts pumped even harder when you got a phone call. It might just be him.

In no particular order, these were some things that helped me get out

  • The Best Revenge

MOVE ON. That’s the best revenge. After a breakup, we feel so many different things and anger pops in. You want to pay back. How can he hurt me after all I’ve done for him.

Well…. he did. He left and he’s gone. I know it’s not easy but move on. Get away from the past and start to focus on yourself.

I must confess. The hardest part for me was getting memories to leave my mind. I guess I didn’t need to. The memories have been made. Don’t dwell on what was but what is! Live in today and right now the relationship is over.

  • Stop Blaming

I could write a whole book on how he messed things up. If he didn’t do this I could have done that. These thoughts would run through my head constantly. I would drift off and just occupy my mind with blaming him.

Stop It! Just because he hurt you, does not mean the earth has stopped. You have to take responsibility for yourself.

Get up and move!

  • Own it!

Take back the power. Take back yourself.

One thing I kept telling myself was “You existed before him, you’ll exist after but you need to do more than just exist. You need to own your life”

We get so sucked up in all the emotions that we forget that we can feel without them. We can smile without them. You don’t need him to crack a joke before you get it.

Do just that! Own yourself again!

  • Move forward

This part isn’t the easiest but it’s the best. Move forward.

You really don’t need all that negative energy around you. It will only drag you deeper into depression.

I got back to work. I occupied myself with things and people I loved.

Focus on the other things you love. If you never got to find out then find out now. You might just be the next big thing.

It’s not the easiest thing to do but you need to let go of the past. Holding on will only depress you.

I constantly asked myself “why not me?”

It’s ok baby girl. HEAL! just HEAL!

Take your time tho. It won’t all happen in a day.

 

STAY HAPPY♥♥

Dear Mr. X

I feel lost in your love. I don’t know if this is a good thing. I picture your smile, I constantly play your words in my head. Your words find a way to my heart but stick to the gates because doubt locked the doors. I want to believe you. A part of me does but my heart is too wounded to not let my brain think and you know how smart the brain gets.

You say you care. You say you miss me. You say you love me. Do you? Do the same words come out when you look at her. Does she melt your heart the way you do mine? Does she make your insides jump the way you make mine? Will it make a difference how you felt about her if she were here everyday like me.

I’m scared of so many things and losing you is at the top of the list. We’ve had the best moments and I am scared of the worst. The thought of you happy with someone else is painful. Like why can’t life just give you someone and let them come with a guarantee.

“Here is the eternal agreement that Mr X is yours forever. Nobody can take him away from you not even if they tried”

Is Bae really Bae?

There’s been this trend of lying boyfriends/girlfriends and side pieces lately and it is actually becoming sickening. Relationships these days always seem to have a “scum” story involved at the end and I’m honestly sick and tired of hearing stories of heart broken girls and guys.

YES! Some people are actually just helpless liars but I’ll leave some tips I think might help to curb this epidemic.

 

Take your time

There’s really no rush in this dating or courting life. No need to take things too far too soon. Both parties need to take their time and get to know each other. Some of us want bae to be bae 5 minutes after we meet. NO! It’s not just about the name. Time reveals a lot more than we think.

 

Be Friends

As much there are other things bringing both of you together, try to build friendship. Get to know this person on other levels. Talk about other things apart from how awesome both of you are together because that’s never going to come off as horrible even if it is. So try to relate on other levels. This could help you check what bae is doing with their time apart from loving you.

 

Be Watchful

I did not say snoop around o. I said be watchful. NO! they’re not the same thing. Take it easy. Stop assuming things before they are even said or done. How does your bae answer phone calls? How do they relate with others? How comfortable are they around you? When you guys are out check those eyes. Are they wandering in fear? Don’t be the crazy person please. Notice their actions. Words always sound good.

 

It’s about time we started knowing what and who we were to our supposed “significant other”. It’s great when we’re on the same page but it gets sour after a while if one person realizes they’ve been fooled the whole time.

I want to hear your stories and experiences with “undercover bae” so please share.

 

STAY HAPPY ♥♥

 

 

MISSED SOMETHING

Ever found something you never want to let go? Something so little yet so much for you to handle.

Ever looked back and wondered “How did I get here so fast?”

Ever felt like the rules don’t apply?

You feel invisible like nothing will ever catch you. The world is working in your favour everywhere you turn. You are unstoppable. You are untouchable. Nothing can go south from here. It’s either up or up. Your life is TURNT!

And then you get into that ditch that came from nowhere. You rev up your engine so much and hit that deer that just popped out of the woods. This is where the confusion comes. This is when you start panicking. You’re upset about the car; you’re asking where the obstacle showed up from; you’re angry that you were so silly to drive so fast.

Something you miss is You are Going off the Cliff. Right now! your car is drifting into the valley. Whether or not you made a mistake before this minute, it doesn’t matter because you’re letting yourself get deeper into the mess.

Life is Good. Has always been and will always be. Sometimes we get carried away and that’s OK.

But when we hit that deer and start drifting, it shouldn’t matter what has been or what will be. All that should matter is “What IS

 

I have been growing up so fast and living my life in such a hurry. It was beautiful and I have no regrets. I like to let things go as fast as possible and honestly there’s no crime in that. Honestly! It is too late for me to start asking myself silly questions and wondering why I made the moves I made because it is in the Past. Whether or not I sit down and rearrange my past and find the cause of my collision, I cannot change it. It has happened. It is GONE and I can never turn back the hands of time.

I also cannot try to figure out what tomorrow will be like because I don’t even know if I’ll be here tomorrow. For all I know I am here right now and that’s all I need to work with. That’s all I really need to know. This moment is all that matters.

 

Dear Aurora,

I know life seems like it’s in a hurry and you feel like you’re stuck. You’re not. Stop trying to play God in this drama and focus on the present. Mistakes have been made, words have been said and there’s nothing you can do to take them back. Fix right now because that’s all you’re really sure of.

 

INCOMPLETE SENTENCES

The first day I met you was…
The first time we kissed we…
You made my legs shiver when you… 
With you it felt complete but…
I loved you with all my heart but…
I wanted to be with you but… 
You made me happy when…

It felt like something was always missing somehow. It wasn’t me… It was you… No! I said that wrong. Or did I? 

I was never certain. It was like I was happy but… Like you were giving me all but… I know this sounds selfish but it’s horrible to be in an unhappy relationship. It’s worse to be in a happy one but…

Walking away was not easy because I was sure I wanted to stay but… It tortured me more because I tried to find reasons but… I looked at you sometimes and wished I knew something. Anything at all would do but… I had one of those “I don’t want to leave but I gotta go” moments a lot and it was not pretty.

There’s this bitter-sweet feeling you have when you know you have to walk away from something or someone you want to be with because you know it’s not healthy for you. I know it’s hard. It takes time too but think about it this way – Crying for a few days beats crying through the relationship. 

Nobody deserves that hurt. Nobody deserves to not know what the problem is. Nobody deserves that much uncertainty. 

A Small Town Girl

I don’t know how many times I have come across the small town girl story line. She’ll come to the big city and learn new things and change into some more confident woman or sometimes not. I have to say that if and when I come across a story line like this, I always expect the young girl to end up the way I have always seen her fellow small town girls. I know… I’m human.

Every growing human starts off as a small town girl/boy. You grow up with so much innocence and gradually, you are introduced to the big city. The small town is safe, it’s caring, it’s comfortable and it definitely will not judge you. The small town is your happy place and then growing up begins, you are supposed to go to college or maybe just go into the real world – the big city. It is such a scary place. Hearing about the big city is always golden and shiny and all sorts of enticing. You hear about how much fun it is, you hear about how much more opportunities you’ll have out there and I don’t think any soul wouldn’t want a shiny life.

The thing is almost everything shines from far away, it’s all glossy until you get closer and you realize how different it might turn out to be. The party always seems like more fun until you get there and discover it’s probably just loud music and a bunch of intoxicated people screaming at the top of their voices. It’s always rosy until you get into it.

It’s good to get out of the small town. We all should get out of the small town and your small town might be different but GET OUT OF IT. I’m not saying the big city is just going to love you immediately because trust me, in most cases, it will certainly not. We should be patient and try to ease into the big city. Don’t try to take it all at once. It won’t work that way. Calm down and don’t try to live the glossy and shiny life just yet. Ease into it. Relax, take deep breaths, learn to be patient and before you know it, you’ll be riding back to the small town a much better and confident person.

Oh! and one more thing, never forget your small town. I’ve read and seen cases where people just forget about their small towns. They turn their faces like it never existed. Never forget your beginnings and never forget to appreciate. Learn from your humble beginnings.

My point is that this is what they want you to think. You see a story line and you immediately try to tell the end from the beginning. Your brain and your mind are so used to processing the same story that you automatically judge the book by it’s cover even before the story begins. Even the closest family members and/or friends might not see the point in going to the big city. They might not understand why you want to leave your comfort zone. Some will tell you they see havoc and a sad ending. They’re human. You can’t really blame them for trying to protect you, Can you? They are doing what they believe is best for you. All you have to do is trust your future.

TRUST YOUR BIG CITY!

It’s Probably the Way It’s Meant to be

I woke up this morning to an amazing tweet that inspired this post (Yes! Inspiration for me comes from anything and everything. Your smile can literally inspire me. It lies in the way you interpret things basically). I read the tweet and immediately related to it.

“Being 19, 20, 21 crazy man.. Too young to have it all together but ya feel like you’re too old to not. Constantly praying for a guidance” – @thebrowndolll

I’m a 20 year old and a few years ago, I was not comfortable enough to say my age because I felt I was too young. I graduated in December, 2013 and turned 20 after my NYSC Service year. I can say it’s tough now. I’m at this point in my life where, like the tweet said, I am too young to have it all together but too old not to. At this point, it is too late for me to hold on and wait! Like wait for what? I’m here thinking of the next step and everything around me is shouting ‘CHILL!’. It can be frustrating and I cannot think of a day that passes that I do not pray to God for guidance.

My deal with Him is this – I did not push myself. All my life I literally went with the flow. I didn’t try extra hard so I can’t really say I was pushed or forced, I just pray and it happens. God has literally been spoon feeding me with life. Now, I’m a spoilt baby and He chooses to hold off? I have heard different things from “Oh maybe He’s trying to tell you something” to “It will come in due time, be patient” to “You’re still young jor, where are you rushing to?”. I don’t have a problem with these actually. People have their own perspectives in life.

In this year of pretty much having nothing to do, I have learnt a lot about myself. I’m not your living it up kind of person but I love a good time. I like the idea of having fun but I am one of the laziest people to. I want to travel and this is not just everybody is doing it, it’s because I really want to see the different cultures the world has to offer. I have a lot of crazy things I want. I love being alone. I have very few friends and I like my small circle (I believe they were hand picked for me by God 😄). In this year, I have also discovered that life is not black and white and sometimes you just love that grey area and it’s okay. It’s very easy for people to give you opinions about yourself using their own life paths and if you’re like me, it’s very hard to comprehend those.

My point is, at this age and if you ever feel in this position, just LIVE. Wake up and thank God that you are alive every morning, make the right decisions and make sure they don’t mar the future. Be happy. Don’t be afraid to discover yourself. It’s what life is about if you ask me – You learn things about yourself everyday and you constantly change. It will not always be rosy but just savor the happy times and work towards making the bad ones better. Trust me sulking is not going to help. Been there, done that.