To My Angel

There’s not enough words to say how much I wish you were here today. I had it all planned out. I’ll wake up, do laundry and then come see you. I wanted to buy you some milk for your tea in the mornings just like before. I heard you had these new peanuts you love so much so I told myself I would ask you so I could get those too.

You should have waited just a little bit for me to get a higher pay and buy you your best perfumes and get you nice material for your clothes.

You should have waited for me to see you today. I wanted to hear all the things you tell me every time. How you and grandpa survived the Civil War and how it is important to never pay evil with evil.

Kindness is something that comes easy to you. Your virtue seemed unreal to me sometimes. Your heart was the purest there ever was. A lot of times I doubted if you were even human.

I woke up to hear you were a bit off your routine. It scared the life out of me. I didn’t need to take a shower to come and see you.

Then they said you were getting better. You were breathing a lot better before I left compared to when I saw you at first. You didn’t respond to my good morning or shout like you haven’t seen me in forever. You just laid there obviously helpless and probably screaming to be free.

I wanted to stay and stick around but I had to get home and get ready for the night because I was not going to let you sleep alone in a hospital. Not when I knew you’d be lonely and bored. Just when I was ready to get into the car…. I heard it.

I heard the saddest news there ever was. You were gone. I had planned this whole day with you in it and you never even showed up. You were gone. No more you. No more Civil war stories. No more! No more asking what i’ll eat even after feeding me. No more reminding me that good deeds come around eventually. No more telling me to greet pretty much the whole world. No more you.

My Angel is gone.

You hear how sad death is but you never know the feeling until it hits home.

I miss you. I bet this is just the beginning but I terribly do. I didn’t even get the chance to see you. I heard you looked good yesterday. You dressed up, dyed your hair as always, had your nails done. I didn’t get to comment and tell you how good you were looking.

I know you’re happy. You looked happy.

Rest in Peace.

I MISS YOU MAMA.

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