My Only Friend

You don’t have to talk today
Ok maybe just a little
You should maybe reduce your words
You could just nod and smile

You don’t need to smile today
Ok maybe just a little
People aren’t so nice anyways
You could just straighten it out

There’s no use laughing
Not even a bit
Nothing is ever that funny
You could just chuckle

Do you really have to go out?
No use. Just a peak would do
The sun is too bright anyways
You should just curl up in bed

People are stressful
No really! they are
They could never understand you
Just stay here with me

Nothing ever matters
It’s all a blur
I’m all you have
I’m all that’s real

You could end it now
It can stop forever
It’s safer here
It’s more peaceful


 

I found this on your bed.

I miss you.

I’m sorry I couldn’t do more.

I’m sorry nobody could.

I Should Speak Too

Leave me to rant
I deserve some audience
I deserve to be heard
I should have a voice

I thought we could argue
I thought you understood
I thought you could deduce
That a conversation can go south or not

You hit me for the first time
Apologized a minute after
Said it was a slip
A slip that was a little too hard

You raped me for the first time
In your words I needed it
I’m pretty sure that was all you
You said it was for the best

4 years and no more
No more because it ended
No more because I absconded
No more because I’m dead.

Our First Date

I met him on my way to work months ago. His wandering eyes took him to my phone’s screen. He noticed I was playing a Jon Bellion song and that was our conversation starter. I was really excited to find someone that could agree with me on how Jon makes amazing music. I don’t think we said a lot to each other about anything else.

I got to work and couldn’t wait to tell my boyfriend about my encounter with my “Jon Bellion Guy”. I honestly did not notice anything else. He made my day. It’s really not that easy to find other Jon Bellion fans and the whole day I just kept replaying his words in my head.

What I was feeling was appreciation. Meeting him was my morning gift from the universe and I was very grateful. I told every ear that cared to listen to me. I met someone that loves Jon Bellion too. I couldn’t remember his name, what he looked like or anything but I was excited still. Even if I never got to meet him again, He’ll have that tag in my head just for reference.

Almost a year later, following the failure of a relationship, the loss of loved ones and a new beginning with someone old, I got a phone call.

I’d been dodging phone calls for the longest. Did not want to talk to anybody. Really wanted to talk less… more like nothing.

I reluctantly picked. I heard a familiar voice at the end of the line. A voice that was not regular but has been heard before. I’m not sure why he called that day. I hardly answered to strange numbers. He sounded really nervous and from the moment I echoed his “hello”, I knew I was in for a good laugh.

We talked a few more times and I decided to go on a date. I had never been on a first date and I was curious. I also needed to give someone a chance… someone new.

 


We made plans and the day finally came.

I had an amazing evening!

I’m not sure about protocols but it was a good date. He was a gentleman. There was a lot of laughter from listening to people sing. There were a few “awws” when a man proposed to his girlfriend.

He looked like he was enjoying himself. He seemed comfortable and nervous at the same time. It kinda made me laugh. He was funny and friendly and nice. He made me feel more comfortable with him.

I was open. I was smiling and laughing out loud. Even in my black outfit, I could be that bright.

I enjoyed myself. I wished I didn’t need to go home where it was all moody and quiet. I was happy to be free again.

 


Dear Jon Bellion Guy,

Thank you! For an amazing first date and an amazing evening. Thank you for giving me a chance. Thank you for releasing me.

 

YRN Playlist 10/7 – 16/7

Hey guys!

I’ve missed you.
I don’t have a favourite genre of music (I’m sure you can tell from my previous posts). I just love MUSIC. It speaks to everyone in some way.

  • Let it go – James Bay
  • Let me love the lonely – James Arthur
  • Wait for me – Johnny Drille
  • Romeo and Juliet – Johnny Drille
  • Daddy Lessons – Beyonce ft The Dixie Chicks
  • Sun Comes Up – Rudimental ft James Arthur
  • It Ain’t Me – Kygo ft Selena Gomez
  • Been Calling – Maleek Berry
  • Coded Tinz – 2Baba ft Phyno x Chief Obi
  • Temper – Skales







Broken Vessel

Broken,

Marred, 

shattered, 

unrecognizable 

Pieces strewn all over the floor 

Once whole, 

but now looking nothing like what was 

One could only imagine a picture of course 

‘Cos In a moment it seemed like the world had just hit a pause 

No, scratch that. 

*screech sound*


Whole,

clean, 

glistening 

Incomparable to nothing 

Never worked up

never really used 

Not even to be subject to abuse 

Acquired at great cost

‘Cos only the potter knew what it cost  

Like the vessel of honor 

Not relegated to the corner 

Set aside to be adored 

Consecrated for more than just aesthetics


Looking back this was me 

Because life could only make me mean 

Sucking up to false identity based on what I’d done and where I’d been

Seeking wholeness in things, in people and in all that didn’t matter 

Even while in pieces, I knew better

None of that ever really did matter

In brokenness…

My life, my perspectives changed forever 

Not a question of who I was before 

Nor who they had known me to be

I now know who and whose I am 

Looking ahead to who I am becoming

Seeing the free gift I have in Christ

I leverage on his grace holding fast 

To fulfill purpose and not be an outcast 

Back to my pieces 

Laying about like glorious ruins 

Gathered,

Put back together, 

Like clay in the hands of the potter 

Fitted, transformed into wholeness 

Well, you may see the scars 

But they are visible only for a reason;

Because my story would be incomplete without them

Broken a thousand times and over 

Each time and again to be refined 

Just to be made suitable for purpose 

Thank you Brokenness 

You happened so that I could find myself “

Yours,

-Aniekan – 

Writer’s blog: theaniekan.wordpress.com

Love So Amazing…

From time, we’ve had this seasonal attraction.

Most of it came from me.

I only cared when I needed Him.

He would always give me listening ears even when I knew I had abandoned Him.

He never gave up on me and honestly I don’t understand but I constantly did.

I used Him every time for only my pleasures and right after I would leave without a word.

For years I totally neglected Him and purposely chose to run the opposite direction even when I knew I had no hiding place.

I could never bring myself to speak of Him so proudly.

I was always so ashamed of being with Him.

But….

He never gave up on me.

He promises never to and once I realized I was running for no reason, I began to understand that I needed to be committed to this Love.

I also needed to put in work.

He never left and He never will

I needed to love Him too.

Just like all relationships, it gets rocky.

We always find a way.

He’s the best lover.

I would talk to Him most times and wonder why I shied away for so long.

He’s just PERFECT.

 

 

STAY HAPPY ♥♥

 

Getting over the EX

It’s been a month since we had that horrific dinner.

You sat across from me in a room full of people I felt were all laughing at me. As you said those words I felt like my heart was being ripped apart piece by piece endlessly. The pain has not left me.

I loved you with every piece of me but I was an excuse for you. I was your get away. I’ve beat myself up for staying for so long even when I knew you were shit!

“This is not working”

Damn sure it isn’t. You’ve tossed my heart around and now you’ve moved on to fresh meat.

I’ve been miserable for one month. Worst thing is I took my annual leave to spend time with you and you ditched me right before it even began.

The hell do you mean by “It’s over”. What the hell is that?

My friends cannot place it.

“He treated you badly so why are you sad. It’s even a good thing he’s gone”

That must be easy to say when you’re not the one in this condition.

Wine, romantic movies, tireless hours of stalking, lack of sunlight, soiled sheets, endless rolls of toilet paper.

I AM TIRED.

I’M GETTING OVER YOU.

It’s obvious you’ve moved on.


 

I know many of us have found ourselves here one way or the other.

Someone broke us so much we could not imagine leaving the house.

Hearts pumped even harder when you got a phone call. It might just be him.

In no particular order, these were some things that helped me get out

  • The Best Revenge

MOVE ON. That’s the best revenge. After a breakup, we feel so many different things and anger pops in. You want to pay back. How can he hurt me after all I’ve done for him.

Well…. he did. He left and he’s gone. I know it’s not easy but move on. Get away from the past and start to focus on yourself.

I must confess. The hardest part for me was getting memories to leave my mind. I guess I didn’t need to. The memories have been made. Don’t dwell on what was but what is! Live in today and right now the relationship is over.

  • Stop Blaming

I could write a whole book on how he messed things up. If he didn’t do this I could have done that. These thoughts would run through my head constantly. I would drift off and just occupy my mind with blaming him.

Stop It! Just because he hurt you, does not mean the earth has stopped. You have to take responsibility for yourself.

Get up and move!

  • Own it!

Take back the power. Take back yourself.

One thing I kept telling myself was “You existed before him, you’ll exist after but you need to do more than just exist. You need to own your life”

We get so sucked up in all the emotions that we forget that we can feel without them. We can smile without them. You don’t need him to crack a joke before you get it.

Do just that! Own yourself again!

  • Move forward

This part isn’t the easiest but it’s the best. Move forward.

You really don’t need all that negative energy around you. It will only drag you deeper into depression.

I got back to work. I occupied myself with things and people I loved.

Focus on the other things you love. If you never got to find out then find out now. You might just be the next big thing.

It’s not the easiest thing to do but you need to let go of the past. Holding on will only depress you.

I constantly asked myself “why not me?”

It’s ok baby girl. HEAL! just HEAL!

Take your time tho. It won’t all happen in a day.

 

STAY HAPPY♥♥